I had some salad left after a grill party, so I tried to feed it to some goats. But they are so slow that I grew impatient, and hence I poured the salad over one of the goats.
I’m sure the goat didn’t mind. They have a low threshold for offense.
I hate my coworker. So I use her toothbrush that she leaves at work to clean the sinks. should I feel bad?
Look at it this way: You are providing all of your coworkers clean sinks.
I’m currently on business travel. For diner I decided to have the filet with stuffed shrimp and a few beers, just because I could. The company is paying for it, after all. Hopefully the work I do here will grant me a slot for the work to be done in Hawaii, maybe even a bonus. I could have been reading technical manuals tonight, but instead I went to a dance club. I watched all those fine, barely dressed, nubile, half my age, women on the dance floor. I would have killed to have been one of those guys they were dancing with. I wish I could have been born with the genetics that makes me more like one of them. Forget them! I’m way smarter than any of them anyway! I have a masters degree and I’m going for my PhD. I’m sure I make much more money than anyone there. Nevertheless; I now sit in my hotel room, alone, divulging my sins to a web page devoted to a religion I do not believe in. Fuck my life.
Next time, instead of the trip try video conferencing.
I am a tabloid news journalist.
We all must earn a living… So, what’s really up with Brad and Angelina?
When a car is parked too close to mine in a parking lot, I purposefully slam my door into the side of the other car. If it doesn’t leave a scratch or a dent, I do it again, but harder.
Perhaps you should get a Jeep with those canvas doors. Or some therapy.
I told my ex I didn’t want to have kids, but I just didn’t want to have kids with her.
If you really felt that way, it was probably a smart move. Because you can’t un-have a baby.
All day at work I think evil and violent thoughts about what I would like to do to people. For example, I would really like to take my letter opener and jam it through this woman’s throat who has a laugh like Fran on “The Nanny.” It would be a mercy killing, right?
As long as you don’t act on them, the feelings are perfectly natural. And as far as the woman who laughs like Fran, check Leviticus. That book offers excuses to attack everybody. I’m not entirely sure, but you might have cause to stone her.