I ate a big meal in front of a friend who forgot his wallet, surprisingly I felt good.
You’ve taught him a valuable lesson, not about remembering his wallet, but about having you as a friend.
i had sex with a girl who genuinely likes me one night… when she went home cause of work in the morning i went to a strip club and had sex with 3 strippers in a private room
Well, if you really had sex with strippers at a strip club, you probably had to empty your bank account to do it. It’s like giving to the collection plate, but skipping a step.
I had some salad left after a grill party, so I tried to feed it to some goats. But they are so slow that I grew impatient, and hence I poured the salad over one of the goats.
I’m sure the goat didn’t mind. They have a low threshold for offense.
I hate my coworker. So I use her toothbrush that she leaves at work to clean the sinks. should I feel bad?
Look at it this way: You are providing all of your coworkers clean sinks.
I’m a Republican who hates the gay like Leviticus says I should. This week, I got busted for DUI outside a gay bar, where I had been attending a Latino drag queen pageant. Now everyone thinks I’m gay, when I was just in there trying to save the damned souls through some “one-on-one” counseling with the man I was bringing home for the night.
What should I do?
Oh, Roy. Being gay is fine. For the DUI, you’re going to Hell.
I hAD a jeses figureing in my pocket then when I pulled it out it wiz crushed
Your only sin is your spelling.
I’m currently on business travel. For diner I decided to have the filet with stuffed shrimp and a few beers, just because I could. The company is paying for it, after all. Hopefully the work I do here will grant me a slot for the work to be done in Hawaii, maybe even a bonus. I could have been reading technical manuals tonight, but instead I went to a dance club. I watched all those fine, barely dressed, nubile, half my age, women on the dance floor. I would have killed to have been one of those guys they were dancing with. I wish I could have been born with the genetics that makes me more like one of them. Forget them! I’m way smarter than any of them anyway! I have a masters degree and I’m going for my PhD. I’m sure I make much more money than anyone there. Nevertheless; I now sit in my hotel room, alone, divulging my sins to a web page devoted to a religion I do not believe in. Fuck my life.
Next time, instead of the trip try video conferencing.
I’ve been having impure thoughts about the mother from Leave it to Beaver. What’s wrong with me???
Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not the first to be tempted by the sultry ways of June Cleaver.
…but I’ll take some absolution while you got it.
This isn’t a soup kitchen. You have to give a little to get a little.
I knew all along who had shot JR, but I didn’t tell anyone. Then when they revealed that it was Mary Crosby, I pretended I was surprised.
Ruining the twist in a great show is more sinful.